Going Back to Work When You’re Grieving
The thought of going back to work after a life-changing loss is less than appealing— it can be downright terrifying and daunting. I keep hearing that the loss of a loved one costs workplaces $37.5 billion in annual productivity (The Grief Recovery Institute Educational Foundation). But, we don’t hear about what workplaces are doing to support grievers, and there is a lack of grief literacy training in most workplaces in the United States.
Most people don’t have the option (read: luxury) of not going back to work and taking time away to grieve. How do we support those people? Their needs are important, too.
With bereavement leave painfully inadequate or non-existent, going back is a non-negotiable for some, especially when livelihood and family depend on that paycheck to survive. Or, you feel like the place will fall down without you. It pains me that I am writing a blog that talks about how to prepare for the return to work with your grief, but I know so many people are working and grieving and just trying to get through.
If this is the position you’re in right now, these tips will help you navigate your grief while staying productive and focused.
Taking Time Off
Learn about your rights and options for taking time off and how to manage workloads during difficult times. Bereavement leave is a policy that needs vast improvement, but if possible, take the allotted time off to tend to necessary tasks as well as self-care.
Recognize Your Emotions
It’s important to recognize and acknowledge your emotions as your grief comes up differently. If you can’t speak with someone you trust to help validate/process your feelings, don’t push them away– write them down in a desk journal to get them out.
Set Expectations
Communicate your needs and limitations to your employer and colleagues to create a supportive work environment. It’s important that you are clear about what you are unable to accomplish and what you need support with at this time.
Staying Focused
The idea of being focused when your world has just imploded seems impossible. If you have to be at work, however, it can be helpful to discover techniques to stay focused while grieving. Sometimes, work can be a helpful distraction– finding a meditative task to get into a state of flow or an aspect of your work that you most enjoy is a good place to start.
Set New Boundaries
Be honest with what you’re capable of emotionally and realistically. Set boundaries around workloads and deadlines if necessary, and communicate them respectfully. If your grief impacts your ability to work, speak with your supervisor about possible schedule modifications or flexible work arrangements.
Find a Safe Place Outside of Work
Sometimes, our workplace doesn’t feel safe to ask for our needs to be met. We feel unsafe or uncomfortable talking to our colleagues or leadership. Make sure that you are resourced outside of work with a supportive community or a good therapist/coach so you don’t have to continue to push the grief feelings down.
Practice Self-Care
Make room in your routine for nourishing your body and mind, such as exercise, healthy eating, mindful activities, and connecting with a support system.
Write down how you feel, and reflect on good experiences you’ve had. Journaling is an excellent way to get your feelings out of your body and acknowledged.
Disconnect from work and social media as needed.
Tend to Your Body
Sleep: Insomnia is common while grieving. Learn tips to improve your sleep.
Nutrition: Focus on maintaining a healthy diet while grieving.
Movement: Explore different ways to incorporate movement into your daily routine to help manage your symptoms.
Receiving Support: Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Loved ones and professionals make sound support systems.
This doesn’t cover every workplace scenario, of course, but rather, I wanted to make a point to encourage the idea that you can still take care of yourself and tend to your grief as needed and still be at work. Is it ideal? Nope. But it’s real life.
You can do this!
Though it may be difficult to do, you can work through grief while maintaining your employment. By prioritizing your well-being, seeking support, and communicating your needs clearly, you can navigate through loss while also having to work.
Do you want a guide to help you navigate these waters of grieving? Grab a copy of my book, Moving On Doesn’t Mean Letting Go. You’ll find guidance and strategies to help you move through this new season.
A Note To Employers
Above, I am speaking about being an employee here, but I also believe leadership in any workplace is responsible for creating a safe environment for employees going through loss. Being that grief is the biggest mental health burden people are carrying post-pandemic, with losses of all kinds, we better catch up and do better.
It’s overdue that safe spaces are created for conversations around grief in our workplaces. After all, loss isn’t going away anytime soon. How about we start supporting our workplace community in a more grief-proficient way?
The responsibility cannot solely be on a griever to ‘just move on and get over it.’
That can’t fly anymore.
