Common Myths and Misconceptions about Grief

Everyone will experience grief at some point in their lives—it’s universal. And yet, even though we will all experience loss on varying levels, grief is one of the most misunderstood aspects of life. I wish I could say that this wasn’t affecting us negatively, but it absolutely is. These myths and misconceptions cause bumps in the healing process and often prevent people from getting the support and care they need to keep moving. I genuinely want to help us move from grief-illiterate to grief-informed, and it starts by correcting these misconceptions.

The Myths and Misconceptions of Grief

Myth One: Grief is Exclusive to Death

We have been taught to believe that grief is only associated with death, but the truth is that grief is a natural response to any loss that holds meaning to us. At the core of all of our losses is attachment. We form emotional connections to the people, places, pets, and things in our lives that don’t always make sense to other people. The truth is, only you know the depth of your attachment and, subsequently, your grief. 

There are many ways to lose in our lives. Here are some examples in no particular order (and please feel free to add your own): life transitions (i.e., parenthood, retirement, relationship status), fertility challenges, divorce/separation, breakups, rejection, chronic sorrow, and loss of friendships, intimacy/affection, livelihood, home/moving, purpose, spiritual community, resources, time passing, an identity, and hope.

Unfortunately, many people struggle to hold compassion for someone who is experiencing grief outside of the loss of a loved one. While most people can empathize with the grief that comes with death, many will struggle to understand and know how to support a person through the loss outside of death. 

Myth Two: Grief has a timeline and linear stages.

This one has been going on for far too long, and honestly, I get it. It can be comforting to think that just like there was a start to your grief, there will be an end, too. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Grief is not linear, and there aren’t mapped-out stages.

Years ago, the famous Kübler-Ross model was introduced and made us think that there were stages like denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance of grief. And while these are absolutely all experiences you will have in grief, they do not follow a linear path. Grief is an intricate and individual experience. No one person will grieve the same way as another, even if they have experienced the same type of loss.

And no, time doesn’t heal all wounds. Again, I understand how this platitude has become so popular. If only it were true, and like a bruise, your grief will slowly disappear over time. Unfortunately, this saying can cause more harm than good because it can leave someone thinking that an escape is coming when it never will. There isn’t an expiration date for grief.

I wish I could give you an exact roadmap for how you’ll grieve. While I can’t do that, I did write a book, Moving On Doesn’t Mean Letting Go, that helps you navigate through loss. Click here to get your copy.

Myth Three: Grief is Just an Emotional Experience

I have an entire chapter in my book, Moving On Doesn’t Mean Letting Go, dedicated to disproving this myth. Grief is often viewed as an emotional response to loss, but let me not mince words here: GRIEF IS A FULL BODY EXPERIENCE. In fact, without us even noticing, our bodies can start to bear the brunt of our grief experience. 

We don’t sleep the same. We find we’re struggling with inexplicable pain. Our muscles hurt. Our digestion is weird. We’re getting headaches all of the time or can’t seem to shake that cold. No part of the body is unaffected. Loss permeates every part of our being, and interestingly, it remains a mental health burden that society still sees as an emotional response to loss.

I always tell my clients to get good sleep, drink enough water, eat nutritious meals, move their bodies, and connect with people who love them to get through, especially the toughest parts of fresh grief. Tending to physical symptoms while grieving means being very aware of how our body responds to stress. 

What we’ve talked about above is just three of the many, many myths that people have about grief and loss. Grief remains so mysterious to so many people because, for so many years, we have been a grief-illiterate society, which has made people feel as if they have to hide their grief experience away out of fear of judgment or being shamed. Grief can be such a lonely road, but one of the small ways we can combat that is by bringing more awareness around the many layers of loss with the steadfast reminder that everyone will lose and experience grief at some point. We may as well start trying to do better for one another…