Loving Someone In and Through Grief: Practical Ways to Support Someone Who Has Experienced Loss
There isn’t a single human on earth who hasn’t experienced loss in some aspect of their life. And grief is a complex and deeply personal journey that often leaves individuals feeling lost, overwhelmed, and isolated. Whether it’s the loss of people, pets, friends, jobs, identities, homes, hopes, health, or love, they need patience, empathy, and a commitment to provide a safe space for healing.
But what does that actually look like?
As a grief therapist, I want to give you some practice ways you can support someone you love through one of the hardest seasons of their life.
Practical Ways to Support Someone Who Has Experienced Grief
1| Recognize Your Griever’s Limits
Sometimes, I like to imagine someone in new grief, like someone who just had open heart surgery. You wouldn’t expect someone coming out of that kind of surgery to fully participate in life. It is the same with new grief. If you can, try to recognize potential triggers in the activities they are asked to attend.
2| Give Grace, Not Advice
More than anything, your grieving friend or family member needs grace. You may not agree with how they are handling their grief, but keep your advice and opinions to yourself for now. Unless you feel your friend or family member is unsafe, it’s best to walk beside them and not try to lead, carry, or push them through their grief journey.
3| Don’t Be Afraid to Talk About Their Loss
Your friend or family member who is grieving is thinking of their loss every single day– all day. Contrary to how most of us think, if we mention their person’s name, we are not going to “remind” them of their loss. Instead, we are recognizing that they lived, they were here, they matter, and they are missed. We all want that kind of recognition for the ones we’ve lost.
4| Don’t Ask, Just Do
Instead of asking if there’s something you can do for the one who’s grieving, just do something. Bring a meal over or just some cookies or snacks. Invite them to go to coffee or an event with you. Send a card letting them know you’re thinking of them. They don’t always know what they need to answer a question.
5| Just Listen
One of the most powerful tools you can offer is the gift of your presence. Be an active listener, allowing the grieving individual to share their thoughts and emotions without judgment. Validate their feelings by acknowledging the depth of their pain and expressing your genuine understanding. Avoid platitudes or attempting to minimize their grief. Instead, offer a compassionate ear.
All of this is not to say that caring for someone who has experienced loss is easy. It’s not. This process can become uncomfortable, especially if you’ve experienced a loss similar to them. You might feel similar emotions as them, and that’s okay! Remember, you’re only human too. You don’t need to show up perfectly, they just need you to show up.
