What I Wish I Knew About Grieving While I Was Grieving
There are so many misunderstandings around grief and loss. Misunderstandings I had myself until I experienced my own significant losses.
It’s not only death losses but the loss of anything significant to you. Loss can produce a ripple effect of other additional losses in our lives that may not seem too obvious at the time.
And let’s be honest, grief is weird. It’s unpredictable. It can be so disorienting.
When I lost my mom, I’d been someone who thought she knew grief. It wasn’t my first loss in rodeo, after all. But, inevitably, there were some things I wish I understood more about the grief experience. And so much I learned along the way now that there are a few years between my loss and where I am today.
What I Wish I Knew
Some people don’t know how to handle death, loss, pain, or just uncomfortable emotions. So, some people may not stay in our lives during this time. Honor those who stay and those who go.
Grief is a full-on, full-body experience, and it’s a spectrum. That spectrum will vary for you based on the day, the circumstances, the level of exhaustion you feel, grief reminders, anniversaries, relationship struggles, and your emotional baseline.
Our body is intuitive and should be listened to during this time. Knowledge doesn’t always equate to wisdom, and sometimes, our inner world (our body) asks us to pay closer attention. Don’t ignore these body calls.
There is no “right” path to grieving or stages that can take away the unpredictable, sometimes immensely overwhelming feeling of being in a foreign landscape without a map.
There will be days that feel like the grief is far away, and the weight is lifted. Honor those days when they come. It’s okay to take a break from your pain and distract yourself from time to time.
Hold onto what feels good. This can be people, places, or things. And, although time doesn’t heal all wounds, it can offer us space for new understandings, new ideas, and new experiences— all of which will come with both the bitter and the sweet.
Some Other Griefacts I Wish I Knew
How we can grieve any loss that is significant to us
How exhausting grieving can be
How we each have our own rhythm too grieving
How not to compare our losses with anyone else’s
How important it is not to isolate or try to go at it alone, despite our inclination to do so
How we have to relearn everything in a new way
How distraction can be good for us sometimes
How time doesn’t heal any wounds on its own
How it’s okay to laugh again and hold onto the good moments
As simple as these reminders may seem, when we are in the thick of grieving, our brains aren’t working at full capacity.
They are in a fog state, really trying to grasp the new reality, one moment at a time.
Everyone is different and will have some semblance of a different experience, but these reminders are something we might all feel in some way or on some level.
These are some of the things I wish I could have known or remembered while really in that sticky, dark tar pit of grief.
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