Getting Through the Hallmark Holidays: Practical Tips for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day

Mother’s Day is nearly upon us, and it’s always a weird time for me. I want to pretend sometimes that it doesn’t bother me to get bombarded with advertisements or to see friends plan celebrations and brunches. 

It still hurts. 

Even though my mom died in 2016, it feels like yesterday that I, too, was one of those people celebrating my mom at some brunch place she always wanted to go to. Grief and loss, estrangement, fertility challenges, complicated relationships with mothers, and more nuanced situations can be some ways that make Mother’s and Father’s Day sting.

I will make some suggestions here, but really, sometimes, it’s just about getting through the day. 

I won’t say have a gentle day. I’ll just say, “Have a day.” If you need a little encouragement from this grief therapist connection here, I have a few simple reminders:

Allow yourself to grieve or feel angry, sad, or wistful. Whatever comes up, just allow it, honor it, and tend to it. It matters. 

Do things differently this year. Is there anything you’d like to do or rather do this weekend? Try to make that happen. Obligation when we are fragile or vulnerable is painful. 

Be kind to yourself. Create a “guilt-free” weekend rule. Think of what will feel nourishing, fun, or just less crappy, and try to either do it the whole weekend or add it into the weekend. 

Do something creative. Garden, paint, dance around to your favorite music, walk in nature, or even write a no-send letter to your mom/mother figure. It doesn’t have to be soft and loving if you don’t feel it. Rage. Vent. Whatever it is you are feeling. It can be SO therapeutic to get it out of your body. 

Ask for support. Ask for someone you trust and love and feel safe with to be your “phone a friend” or companion at some point over the weekend. Knowing you have that lifeline can feel really anchoring when we feel intense, unpredictable feelings. 

Attend a Local Event. If you’re in New York City, I’d love to invite you to an event by one of my friends, Barri Leiner Grant. She is hosting “An Unmothered Mother’s Day” on Tuesday, May 7th, from 6:00-8:00 PM. Click here for more information and to sign up.

It’s all about getting through the days however we can. It doesn’t have to be neat and pretty. It doesn’t have to be a Hallmark holiday. 

You just do… whatever works.